Let go ..... and LET GOD!

We are in the middle of chaos right now.  In the high speed way of life that most of us know, that just sounds like the norm.  But my chaos is always relative. Relative to how much I am willing to let go...... and LET GOD. Open that tightly closed fist that wants to keep pulling the problems back out of His hands.  The only hands that are capable of running my life smoothly.  

I am always amazed at how calm I can be when I am willing to BE STILL.  When things that I have prayed about and prayed about and prayed about STILL WON'T CHANGE!  When the entire balance of my life seems to be upended and waiting to spill out.  I can BE STILL.  I can praise God for answered prayers for others.  And have I seen Him work in the lives of those around me this past week.  Wow! I have seen the "goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Ps. 27:13  He is so good and so capable of the big things.  When we honestly, earnestly turn the things that seem impossible over to him, he rewards us.  In His time.  He strengthens my faith in so many ways.  I have a fresh new perspective from seeing his Hand at work this week.  I can have His strength to endure my trials.  I can hold my head up and smile. Enjoy my life.  

But....there's always a but isn't there?  There I am balancing, peaceful yes, but still I am balancing in that little peace that He gave me and another day begins. Today the day that would not end began.  My car is in the shop..... hefty bill awaiting.  Little one was sick with a stomach bug yesterday and my 9 year old had to reschedule her birthday party because of her brother.  Imagine the drama... yeah, knew you could.  AND it was a birthday party that fell on the day of her actual birthday! How cool is that! How devastating that instead of having the fun sleepover that you planned with your friends you have to spend your birthday with your mom and sick baby brother.  Daddy and big brother have an exciting trip to Auburn University for a Science Olympiad he is competing in.  No, you don't get to go dear, sorry.  So, Mama has spent two days doing everything in my power to make it not so terrible for the terribly dissappointed newly 9 year old and helping a 4 year old to understand that it is not cool to eat anyting you want when you are invariably going to throw it all back up soon.  And not nearly enough time staying connected to My Vine! 

God always has a way of making me realize that I am losing my power source.  I manage ok for a little while.  Coasting hours... sometimes, even days.  Eventually little things irritates me to no end and then finally my feathers are ruffled beyond recognition.  In fact my daughter at one point even told me this afternoon that I looked different today.  What do you think she saw?  Wild eyed, wild haired, one horned-flying purple people eater? Hmm.. 

And yes, this describes every afternoon of summer vacation.  Ha! No, it's not that bad.  Reality is I am only like that .......... every other day.  But I know that a better life awaits me.  I can feel it! I meet homeschooling moms who do it all year long with 6 kids!

So, there I was at the tip of the point, balancing with major life issues on the line and all the little stuff too and I wasn't having my quiet time with God.  Dum, dum, dum... imagine the notes you hear before something really bad happens (I don't have to work to hard to imagine it here.  My 11 yr old plays it for us frequently on our piano.) And the words from the kids' devotional Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young come back to me.  "When you come to me in prayer with a thankful heart, I give you enough Peace for today. I will not give you enough for tomorrow- only today.  That is because I want you to come to Me tomorrow- and each day after that.  If I give you enough Peace to last you your whole life, you might fall into the trap of thinking that you didn't need Me. I designed you to need me every minute. So come to me every day with a thankful attitude, knowing that I will give you Peace for today."  I was touting the incredibly profound, kid-friendly devotions in this book to a friend with kid issues and I wound up reading out of it to her exactly the words that I needed to hear myself.  Words that have just come back to me.  Hmmm. God Breeze??

Yep, I knew I was in the need of some QT with God.  This is what I love about bible study.  I am always accountable for keeping up with usually 5 days worth of home study time in these studies.  Right now we are doing Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore, a study on the life and ministry of John.  I am excited and refreshed beyond explanation by delving into the life and times of Jesus's life and that of his earliest disciples.  Bible study is like the blood that flows through my veins.  It keeps me alive.  I don't know why God put such a need in me to learn His Word but when I am slack in my study time... shew.  My hope takes a nose dive, I begin to doubt myself and the battle for my mind is left defenseless.  It is IMPERATIVE!  So two day of study later (one hour) and I am once again on the right track with my thoughts in the right place. And hopefully the dragon lady is no where around??!! 

Describe the change?  OK, so as I begin to read scripture truths and read aloud some powerful scriptures like Acts 15:8 about God knowing our hearts and testifying to us by giving us the Holy Spirit, my mind sharpens and my thoughts focus and I begin to feel hope return.  The Holy Spirit is actually doing a work in my heart and I feel myself respond to Him.

Studying about a meeting of the "Pillars" of the early church. James, the unbelieving half brother of Jesus who became a leader of the early church.  Peter, who publicly denied Jesus three times and had enough faith to return and become the powerful man of God he was destined to be. John, the young disciple who asked to be at Christ's side in the kingdom of Heaven and wanted to call down fire from heaven to destroy the Samaritans.  And Paul, the converted persecuter of Christians.  These guys were the Pillars of the early church!  I feel my confidence return.  Yeah, God can use me.  The converted Jehovah's Witness with a story to tell!

Rev. 12:11 "They overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony.."   Oh, Accuser of my mind, you are defeated.  1 John 4:4 "The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." I am realizing my place in the big picture.  My eyes have been opened to the hold the enemy temporarily had on me.  My WORDS have overcome!  Booyah!

That's what the study of God's word does for me.  I will let go and LET GOD!  Ahhh. Feels better already.